Online

I seem to not be able to express anything recently. Or at least face to face and eye to eye. I am all the time online. In my bed online, in the coffee store online, with my friends online, with my family online, with my work online, in my feelings online, I'm having a degree online, I even have sex online. Is this the new trend where our world is heading to, or is it just me? Trying to avoid the reality by being online. It even hurts online, you know?

It hurts because there is no contact which may open your eyes and your heart, or make you slap the face of a person because you feel so damn raging today. And when you can't do this, you keep suppressing your feelings into a pit-hole inside your soul, because it is too fucking difficult to communicate recently.

Communicate...is there a word such as commuticate? Not the word deriving from "commute", but the word formed by "to be mute together - co-mute"... This is no communication. And yet we, the world in its entirety, brags that we have reached the peak of Communication efficiency. Communication my ass! This is not communication. People are forgetting to express their feelings due to this technological development. We more and more hide behind the curtains of our screens, putting curtains to our heart and soul.

We bring people closer, but in the meantime, we drift each-other's emotions into God forgotten edges of humanity.

I write " I love you", but there is no tone of voice, no trembling emotions, no sweaty palms, no rising heartbeats, no fear of reply, or the thrill of watching his emotions live as he might/might not, say that back, one fold, or one hundred fold, or not at all. There is only a white blank line in the "reply" or "inbox", to which your eyes constantly look for an answer, which may never come. Or if it comes, it comes with the same bloody coldness you have written it. With a big lie, a big fat human lie to make us feel as if there is any emotion out there, because hey, we communicate.

And so, we lie because we are online, but never "inline". We fall in love or out of love, we hate and create, we even establish in this virtual reality, without really touching anything. It is so amazing, and yet so sad. To lock yourself inside four walls, wherever, in your house or office, in a bar or else, and instead of living by the moments life serves you, you live by the moments you write and read in a virtual space, which is only that, a surreal reality served to us by a fistful of photons travelling through the ether around the world in fractions of seconds.

Yes, we are closer. We come under each-other's clothes, we lie in the same bed, we stretch our hand in front of the screen to cuddle a loving face, and our world shines because of these glimpses.

But what happens when the screen is turned off?

I live my life, you live yours, and so do they, because one cannot be stupid enough as to feed him/herself with photons and bytes which turn to images or letters. And surely not stupid enough as to feel a touch that isn't there, want a kiss that isn't given, feel the heat when there is none, and more overly, TRUST what is being written.

Are we then, losers or winners in this world of global communication? Information speed is almost dazzling, but do we also convey emotions and feelings?

Are we soon to head in a world of senseless emotions where feelings will be triggered by "you've got mail" alerts and not by the bell ringing in your door to bring the ones you love most inside your world, in your embrace and into you, and where a look in the eye, a wave of the hand, a touch of the hair, a kiss on the neck and slide of fingers upon naked skin would give rise to a hormonal clash within your body, to make you want to make love, be a better person, be responsive to all outer signals, and most importantly, BE THERE for real and not live in cyberspaces designated to speed up connections, improve communication and inform the world in a hasty paste.

Or are we rather eager to living in some fantastic computer wallpapers rather than exploring the world like a Phileas Fogg of modern times? All it takes is a click... SHUT DOWN!!!...

And you get back "inline" and not online.

by Katie Hall — the text is yet to be published in print