The Great Floppo

The script for a sketch performed in April in Sandweiler as the opening act of the preliminary workshop show to Dream 2007 (do see other blogposts about this project!). It's about a magician and what real magic can actually do.

© Bjørn Clasen 2007 ― Use with the author's explicit permission only

Presenter: (loud, exaggerating every syllable) Ladies and gentlemen! I have the big pleasure to present to you the fantastic... the amazing... the magnificent... GREAT... FLOPPOOOOO!

Floppo: (enters the stage triumphantly, does an easy trick or two... Then announces, silently and with confidence...) And now, ladies and gentlemen... The trick you have all been waiting for. The trick that made me... The Great Floppo! The animal magic...

(Mobile phone rings; Floppo looks surprised, then slightly embarrassed, produces a phone and answers it...)

Floppo: Yes?... Oh, hi darling!... Listen, I’m in the middle of... What?... But... b... but honey... honey, listen... honey... It was nothing... Hey, listen, I’m standing here... I swear, it was nothing... A kiss on the cheek... But I’m here on stage! I cannot talk! I have to talk to you later! Darl... darling?... Honey? (angry, annoyed, puts the phone back in his pocket...) Dammit!! (looks slightly embarrassed around the crowd, then collects his wits...) So... Er... So, ladies and gentlemen, as I was saying, this is my big, my incredible (more silently) my superb... ANIMAL MAGIC! So, I would need a volunteer... Who wants to be turned into a horse? Now, now, don’t be shy... How about you, young lady? (picks a woman from the audience...) Do you want to become like a horse?

Volunteer #1: (shy) I guess so...

Floppo: You like horses, don’t you?

Volunteer #1: Yes, they’re nice...

Floppo: OK, let’s get gallopping then. Now, when I say the magic combination of letters E.V.O.L., you will become just like a horse. Are you ready?

Volunteer #1: Er, yes...

Floppo: (doing some stupid and typical magician gestures) E – V – O – L!

(Nothing happens, the volunteer looks bedazzled, Floppo looks confused and tries to smile while leading her back to her seat)

(This sequence repeats itself with two more volunteers, each acting increasingly unimpressed when coming on stage, Floppo acting more and more desperate and nervous, not succeeding in turning volunteer #2 into a pig, and #3 into a dog; making up excuses for why it doesn’t work. He also changes the order of the magic letters: V.O.L.E and O.V.E.L., respectively. A few from the audience start getting up to leave the show...)

Volunteer #1: (from the audience) Oh, he’s rubbish!

Volunteer #2: (from the audience) We want our money back!

Volunteer #3: (from the audience) Booooo!

Floppo: No! Wait! Let me try once more! (desperately drags out a fourth ‘volunteer’, grasps for air as he says the magic words...) You will now... turn into... a... a cat! Er... L – E – V – O...!!

(As nothing happens this time either, volunteer #4 just walks away shaking her head, The volunteers and a few other from the audience stand up and leave... Floppo tries to make them stay, in vain, when his mobile phone goes off again...)

Floppo: Yes?... What?... Oh, honey?!... Yes... Yes! No, it doesn’t go well at all, I... I think I get the magic word wrong... What?... Really?... You do??... Oh, darling... Me too, I do, I do... I do..... (his expression now turned into dreaminess and being-in-love, he raises his hands into the air...) L – O – V – E!

(The four volunteers suddenly come running back on stage from different corners, now distinctly behaving as each of the animals they were supposed to turn into, and start ‘animaling’ around Floppo in a circle, or bothering the real audience...)

Floppo: Love! The magic word is... love!!

(If you really wanna make it show-like here — also in order to create a link to the next parts of the show — and if you have the time to rehearse it properly, you could have a choir, or part of the audience singing the Looove, looove, looove... Looove, looove, looove... from The Beatles’ ‘All You Need Is Love’)